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Our Perceptions of Ourselves and Others and Their Impact [Updated]

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Our Perceptions

PerceptionsOur perceptions of who we are is our reality!

Our perceptions of others is our reality!

That is some pretty heady stuff.

What about others’ perceptions?

How others perceive you is their reality.

Do you know how others perceive you?

If you think you know how others perceive you, where do you derive that from? Did you ask them?

When our perception of ourselves is different from others’ perception of us, we run into problems at work. More than likely, it will cause us stress.

How Do Others Perceive Us?

I recently updated a post Do Others Prejudge You Based on Your LinkedIn Profile? [Updated] where I talk about how people prejudge us for a whole variety of reasons. Their perception is based on our profession, family, race, gender, education, social standing and social media presence or lack thereof.

This is even more true in our connected society where people’s perceptions are based on what media channels they listen to or watch.

No matter what you think, people perceive you differently than you think. I like to tell people you do not see yourself as others see you.

Roger Birkman and Perceptions

I wrote this post originally several years ago after attending the Birkman Next Generation Conference in Sugarland Texas. The conference was attended by hundreds of Birkman consultants who use the Birkman Assessment to help individuals and companies reach peak performance. This was the first conference not attended by Dr. Roger Birkman, who passed away at the age of 95 earlier this year.

Dr. Roger Birkman, a World War II pilot, was fascinated by the impact that perceptions had on pilot and crew performance. Dr. Birkman went on to study psychology in the war and later developed the Birkman Assessment.

The Birkman Method, as it is formally known, is a personality, social perception, and occupational interest assessment used to identify behavioral strengths, motivational needs, stress behavior, and occupational interests.

I have been using the Birkman Assessment for six years on hundreds of clients. I am still fascinated by what it reveals and how there can be major disconnects between our perceptions of ourselves and how others perceive us.

The science behind the assessment is how we perceive other people is how we want to be treated. The latest version of the reporting structure presents how we perceive others and compares it to how we perceive ourselves. This is probably as close to measuring emotional intelligence that you can get. It does not measure EI but it does give you a framework to explore how our perceptions of the world and ourselves and how they differ.

Deep stuff!!or

Example #1 – Introvert Who Likes Crowds

I am currently working with a gentleman who you could describe as an introvert. In the Birkman Method, he is referred to as low acceptance. He likes working by himself or with a small group of close colleagues. Many would assume he would want to work from home.

Does he want to work from home? NO! In fact, %^$& NO!

He very much needs to be around people. He does not necessarily want to interact or work projects with others, but he needs to be around people. You would never know this unless you talked with him about his need.

The world of coworking spaces has arisen just for these kinds of people.

Example #2 – Structured Anarchist

I have written before about my client that I refer to as a Structured Anarchist.

Bob appears as a very orderly person. He loves rules and structure, or at least that is how he appears. In the Birkman Method, he is referred to as High Structure.

What Bob really loves is creating rules and structure. By the way, he is phenomenally good at creating systems. He just does not want any rules or structure placed on him when creating these systems.

Others’ perceptions of Bob did not align with Bob’s own perception of himself. He kept being placed in very orderly roles, but what he really wanted was to be placed in total and complete chaos where he could create order.

It was not until we worked through the Birkman Assessment that we identified this disconnect and he could articulate this strength. He no longer waits to be placed into a role, but he actively seeks out opportunities where he gets to create order out of chaos.

Example #3 – Closet Introvert

I admit it, I am a closet introvert. You would never know it from seeing me present or work a room. I am highly social, however, my need is to spend lots of time by myself. When I am done working a room or presenting I am exhausted. I am toast.

People look at me and think I am an extrovert. I am not! I have learned to behave like an extrovert but I do not get energy from being around people. The reality is being around people consumes massive amounts of energy. I like being around people but it is a giant energy suck!

You can read more about being a closet introvert in my post 3 Signs You Are a Closet Introvert and What to Do! [Updated]

We Are Actors at Work

When most of us went off to start our careers we became actors. We go to work and play roles. We learn to play these roles and if we stay in character long enough we may start believing we are that character.

We learn skills that will pay us an income. Some of those skills pay us a lot of money but with a cost. I learned to be quite a good presenter. When I worked for IBM, I spent 10 years as an articulate techno-weenie or a geek that could speak.

The cost was it exhausted me. I would cycle through periods of back problems that would send me to bed, then I would take a break, get better and go back at it.

You can read more about this in my post Search actor Are You Your Authentic Self or an Actor at Work? [Updated].

How Are Your Perceptions of You and Others?

If you would like to learn more about Birkman Assessment, watch this excellent video below!

This video was created back in 2014 and it charged me up. I wanted to share this video with you.

Do you see the impact that perceptions have in the workplace?

Feel free to reach out to me through my contact form if you want to discuss the Birkman Assessment any further.

Marc Miller  

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Are You Seeking Respect and Failing in Interviews? [Updated]

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Seeking Respect in Interviews

seeking respectAre you seeking respect and backing off your usual style when you first meet someone?

I have several new clients whose natural style is to be direct in their communication. In contrast, they have a high need for respect in their dealings with other people, as defined by their Birkman Assessment.

In other words, the way they communicate is not how they want to be treated. Hmm…an interesting combination. This is far more common than you think. Most of us communicate in a more direct fashion than we want others to communicate with us.

These clients, who are seeking respect, will often back off their usual style when they first meet someone. They will ask more questions and listen more to get the respect they desire.

Does this work in an interview situation? Not necessarily!

Have you been failing in interviews because you are not your authentic self?

Note: This post was originally published in December of 2014 and was updated in April of 2018.

Salespeople

This “style” is actually fairly common with really good salespeople. They tend to be fairly aggressive in their communications style except when they meet someone new like a new sales lead. What they do is back off from their naturally aggressive communication style and start to ask really good probing questions. At this point, they become very good listeners which is what a good salesperson is supposed to do. Once they gained the new client’s respect they can start reverting to their more natural direct style of communications.

This works really well in a sales call but is disastrous in an interview situation. If you want that next sales position you had better be prepared to sell yourself from the outset.

Interviewing with Unfamiliar People

It is very common that you will interview with the hiring manager and potential future peers that you are unfamiliar with. What can you do? Try the following:

  • Court everyone on the interview list, but please do not stalk!  Learn as much as possible about the people you will be speaking with. You may want to research them on FaceBook and particularly find pictures of them on social media. Make sure you can recognize them when you first meet them in the interview. The more familiar you are with them, both personality and visually wise the quicker you will revert to your natural style.
  • Be prepared to tell stories to answer any question they may ask.  “Let me tell you about the time when…” If you have your stories down cold, you can tell them with authenticity and be your natural self. You do not want to memorize the stories but be able to tell them in a natural way.
  • Be prepared mentally by following these three steps for walking into your interview with confidence. This is far more important than most people think. If you walk into this situation feeling good about yourself, your confidence will exude from every pore in your body.
  • Be prepared to tell the interviewer why you want the job. Are you excited about the job opportunity? If so, be prepared to show it. I have always said you cannot fake passion.

Probing Questions

Bring a set of probing questions with you to the interview. You want to probe for pain points. The more insightful the questions you ask, the faster you will gain the respect you want. My favorite is “what keeps you up at night?”.

Hopefully, you have used some of these questions during the screening interviews which would allow you to tailor them to each person you are interviewing with.

We are setting ourselves up to get the respect we want as fast as possible. The more we know how we fit into this new organization the faster we will revert to our natural communications style. We all are human and should seek to become comfortable with the situation as quickly as possible.

Use probing questions to get yourself comfortable quickly.

Closing the Interview

Be prepared with a set of questions that will help you determine whether the job is a good fit for you. Please rehearse asking these questions so that they roll off your tongue. This does not mean memorizing them but know them well enough that you can tailor them to any situation.

Practice asking these questions with others and in front of a mirror. Be as natural and direct as your usual style.

Pay Attention to You

Do you know what is your natural style of communicating? Pay attention to how you naturally communicate. Ask your friends and colleagues (who you trust) to describe your communication style.

One of my favorite exercises that I use with my clients is to ask 3 people who know you from work and 3 people who know you from your personal life for 3-5 words or phrases that describe you.

The more you understand how you communicate, you will be able to identify when you are seeking respect in an interview and adjust accordingly.

If you have been getting to the final round of interviews and losing each time this may be the reason.

Marc Miller  

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Are You a Generalist or Specialist and Why It Makes a Difference [Updated]

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Generalist or Specialist

generalist or specialistHow you manage your career depends on whether you are a generalist or specialist.

When I started my career in the 1970s, large corporations valued generalists. In my 22 years of working for IBM, they let me take a variety of career paths. It also suited my personality, because I have a lot of varied interests. After a few years in a job, I would get bored and wanted to do something new.

IBM allowed me to work with a lot of leading-edge technologies that are still around today. Some of these included:

  • Word Processors – I worked with early word processors even before the IBM PC was released.
  • 3D printing – I was working with early 3D printers in 1989.
  • HTML and Internet Applications – I was designing Internet applications in the 1990s, long before it was common.
  • Advanced Router Design – When I left IBM in 2000, I developed curriculum to teach major equipment manufacturers how to design next-generation routers and switches.
  • High Definition Video – In 2007, after spending a couple years teaching high school math and working in the non-profit arena, I went to work for an HD video conferencing startup developing a training and certification program.

I am a generalist. I have enjoyed working with a lot of different technologies and methodologies. My challenge was that I got bored about every three years and wanted to move on to something different.

Specialists Rule

A fundamental shift started about twenty years ago. As technological change sped up, the need for specialists increased. Starting in the mid-1990s, I saw many of my colleagues move on to become specialists—and they were generously rewarded…for a while. If you developed skills and became a specialist in an area that was in the early adoption phase, you could make a lot of money, again, for a while. That was only true until others developed those same skills. The key was to identify correctly which skills would be desirable to have a year or two ahead of the demand.

This is easy to see in the world of technology, but does it apply elsewhere? YES!

In the world of Human Resources, you could be a generalist or a specialist in recruiting, compensation, benefit programs, diversity, HR IT, etc…

In the world of sales, you could be a generalist or a specialist in B2B or B2C, Internet sales, Channel sales, etc…

The challenge is that, if you are a specialist, your skills may not be valued in 5, 10 or 15 years. Let me give a few examples of skills that have become obsolete:

  • Experts in direct mail (snail mail) marketing – With the exception of credit card offers, what industries still market through direct mail?
  • Travel agents – When was the last time you talked to a travel agent? Fifteen years ago, this was still a valued skill.
  • Specialists in the complex process of laying out newsprint for your daily newspaper – When did you last pick up a paper newspaper?
  • Photo-Journalists – Why have photo-journalists when everyone has a camera?

These were all valued skills just a few years ago.

What If I Am a Generalist?

Generalists are typically more valued in smaller organizations. Small organizations typically cannot afford to hire a lot of specialists. I have a client who is a marketing generalist. She likes to write press releases, e-mail marketing, social media, direct mail, the creation of collateral… You will be more valued in smaller organizations who need their employees to wear a lot of hats.

Many generalists may also be multipotentialities. I am one of these, where I have so many interests that I get bored with a job after 2 to 3 years and want to move onto something new. What I do to keep things interesting and fresh is to purposely make a change every year. In 2016, I launched the Repurpose Your Career podcast which continues to grow every week. I am now launching the Career Pivot membership community. Both endeavors are to help the community but also to keep things interesting and new to me.

I can do this because I work for myself. What if you work for someone else?

What If I Am a Specialist?

Specialists need to stay on top of their areas of expertise and be willing to move when their expertise becomes a commodity or obsolete. This requires vigilance and the willingness to move with industry trends. You must be aware of disruptive trends in your industry.

I had a discussion several weeks ago with a gentleman who has been a contract project manager for Electronic Medical Record (EMR) system projects. For the last 5 or more years, business has been brisk and when one project ended he was able to pick the next very easily. The wave of EMR projects has crested. Most hospitals and clinic have now implemented EMR systems and suddenly he is having trouble finding work.

Another person I know jumped on the Ruby on Rails train. Just a few years ago to have Ruby on Rails programming knowledge you were a hot commodity. This person jumped on the train just as the demand was cresting. Now to be in demand you have to know how to program Ruby on Rails but also have multiple years of experience. She is struggling to get established now that skills she worked so hard to attain are not hot any longer.

Specialists have to stay on top of their game if they want to stay relevant in the ever-changing world of work.

Creative Destruction is Accelerating

New technology is being introduced at an ever-accelerating pace along with the opportunity to destroy entire professions and industries but also creating new ones.

The world of automation, artificial intelligence, and robotics is changing everything. I claim that if you think your career is immune to these factors you are smoking something and you are inhaling.

 

I have written multiple posts on these effects:

If you are not careful you could end up just like a couple of my clients who I wrote about in the post Living in a “Career Disaster Area” at the Age of 65. One of these individuals I would consider to be a generalist and the other was a specialist.

Whether you are a generalist or specialist you have to stay on top of things.

Give it some thought.

Are you a generalist or specialist?

Are you prepared for the creative destruction that is coming?

Marc Miller  

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3 Signs You Are a Closet Introvert and What to Do! [Updated]

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Closet Introvert

closet introvertI will admit that I am a closet introvert!

I am not alone. There are many of you out there who appear to be extroverts but are really closet introverts.

Is there a 12-step program for this condition?

Why do naturally introverted people start behaving like extroverts?

They get paid to be extroverted! DUH! The awards and kudos all go to extroverts!

Introvert to Extrovert Conversion

I was a pretty shy kid.

I was 6’4″ and 145 pounds when graduating from high school. My big head of red hair (this was the early 1970s) did not make me a chick magnet.

I went to engineering school at Northwestern. Lots of introverts there!

I took a job at IBM programming word processors. Lots of introverts there!

In the mid-1980s, I took a job running a help desk supporting mechanical engineers. I got to talk to people which was fun. The more I spoke to groups the better and better I got at it. One of the perks from this was that I ran quarterly meetings and I was good at it. WOW! As a result, I received kudos.

I went off into training where I got promoted and won awards.

I learned to behave like an extrovert. There was only one issue.

Boy, did I get tired! It was exhausting! It manifested physically in lower back problems. Once or twice a year, my back would spasm. I had to learn to take better care of myself if I wanted to continue to behave like an extrovert.

I learned to behave like an extrovert, but it consumed lots of energy.

Does this sound familiar?

Closet Introvert

Here is a great video on why you have become a closet introvert.

Let’s talk about three signs that you might be a closet introvert.

Group Dinner

You have traveled on business to meet with clients or coworkers. You have been with them all day! At 5 PM, someone says,

“Let’s go get drinks and dinner!”

If you feel like you want to go back to your room and vegetate, you are likely a closet introvert.

Being with people all day has drained you. You need time to go back to your room and recharge.

Public Speaking

You have worked hard to give a great presentation to an important audience. You are pumped up and go on stage with a burst of energy. The presentation goes great.

When you walk off, everyone gives you positive accolades. You feel great. You sit down, and the adrenaline starts to wear off (adrenalin is a GREAT DRUG!). Fifteen or twenty minutes later, you slump in your chair, exhausted.

You are likely a closet introvert.

Evening with Your Spouse

You have been in meetings all day, but now it’s time to leave. When you get home, your spouse wants to have a discussion with you about an important issue. You just want to crawl into a corner or go to bed!

Come on, you know exactly what I am talking about. Unless you had time to decompress on the commute home, you need downtime.

You are likely a closet introvert.

Being an Actor

For most of us when we started our careers we became actors. We went to work and play roles. Sometimes, we were really good at playing those roles. In fact, if we play those roles long enough we start believing we are the characters we are playing.

We become actors.

In 2004, after my near fatal accident (which you can read about in the post A Near Fatal Bicycle Accident Was Actually a Mammoth Gift) I decided to become a high school math teacher. At that point, I had taught in 40 different countries on a wide range of topics for IBM and my first tech startup Agere Inc.

I had played the extrovert role for so long, that I was convinced I was an extrovert. The problem was that while playing the role of a trainer, I was on stage maybe 4-8 hours a week. As a high school mather teacher, I was on stage 30-35 hours a week.

After 2 years, I was exhausted, drained and depressed. I was not who I thought I was. I was not an extrovert but a closet introvert.

Check out my podcast episode From High-Tech Training to High School Teacher, and Why I Left. [Podcast]

What to do about it?

Most of us are paid to be extroverts. Susan Cain discusses this extensively her book, Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking (affiliate link). Ever since Dale Carnegie wrote the best selling book, “How to Win Friends & Influence People,” we have had the cult of the personality. We are all supposed to be extroverts, or at least we are supposed to behave like extroverts, to become successful in our careers.

Here are a few ideas on how to take better care of yourself as a closet introvert.

  • Block off times of the day to be alone – If you are in all day meetings, find a place where you can sit by yourself, and do something that gives you energy. This might be reading your favorite book, listening to music on your iPhone, or getting online to research your next vacation. Even if it is just for 10 minutes multiple times a day, you will be surprised what it will do for you.
  • Eat a snack before a presentation – I worked in an IBM Briefing Center for many years. I found that if I ate an apple before my morning presentations, I felt so much better afterward. I learned that my breakfast was not sufficient to get me to lunch when I had to present in the morning.
  • Block off time before and after an event – If I am going to present or attend a conference where I will be interacting with a lot of people, I block off several hours before and after to be alone. I do not allow that time to be compromised.
  • Find the right environment to work in – I am a big outdoors guy. As I am writing this update, I am sitting by a big window overlooking a hollow next to my condominium. When the weather is nice, I take all of my phone calls from a footbridge that crosses the hollow. I do this for no other reason than being outside is restorative.

Susan Cain referred to these interludes in your day as restorative niches. Find activities or environments that restore you and insert them into your day. Here are some examples of restorative niches:

  • Sketching on a drawing pad multiple times a day
  • Having lunch outside
  • Taking breaks during long meetings and listening to music
  • Bringing small home projects to your office so you can work on them during breaks

All of these can be accomplished during short breaks and can be restorative.

I have stood on stage many times and told the audience that I am a closet introvert. They all go—right!! The problem is that a good part of the audience are really closet introverts themselves.

Do you see yourself in this post? Are you really a closet introvert?

Marc Miller  

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What I Learned About Corporate Culture From My Cats [Updated]

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Corporate Culture and Cats

Corporate CultureSeveral years ago I learned a lot about the corporate culture from my cats, Jack and Rex!

You are probably wondering what I could learn about the corporate culture from the cute guys in these pictures. Jack is pretty cute, but what the picture does not tell you is he is quite large.

Jack is 14 pounds and, as you can see from the picture below when stretched out against a meter stick, he is quite long.

Note: This post was originally written in October of 2014 and was updated in February of 2018. Jack has slimmed down since this was originally posted.

corporate culture
Click to Enlarge

Jack is that guy or gal at work who seems likes a really nice guy until… something changes.

He or she then becomes a completely different person. You might say a ‘Jeckll and Hyde’ personality.

Maybe you just hired someone new into your department and, suddenly, the dynamics change.

Maybe your company was acquired and the corporate culture shifts.

Changes in Corporate Culture

Click to Enlarge

We acquired Jack as a stray kitten in the spring of 2011. He just showed up on our doorstep and we suspect he was dumped there by some of the local construction workers.

During the summer of 2014, we took in a stray cat who we call Rex. Rex was probably abandoned by college students who live in the apartments behind our condo unit. He is quite gentle and much smaller than Jack.

We kept them separated for about a week, letting them get used to one another. What we discovered was that Jack could behave like a real bully.

The corporate culture in our household changed dramatically.

Jack would try to monopolize space. He was protecting his turf.

Have you seen this at work?

Rex figured out how to sit at the bar and watch Jack. At the right moment, he jumps down and walks by Jack. Suddenly, he runs up the stairs with Jack in close pursuit. Rex is a lot faster than Jack, and he knows it. Rex knows how to bait Jack.

Just like office politics.

Rex and Jack’s behaviors are slowly getting better. Four years later Jack tolerates Rex and Rex will manipulate Jack to get what he wants. Rex became very politically astute about how he could sneak up on Jack, poke him and then run away. A little hit and run tactic to get Jack to move.

A definite pecking order started to appear. Jack would always enter the condo first. When they are outside and it is time to come in, Rex will wait for Jack to get in front so that he can enter first.

Like I said – just like office politics.

Life after Acquisition

I have worked for two successful tech startups. The cultures of the two were polar opposites of one another but that only became apparent after there was an acquisition.

In January of 2000, I went to work for a semiconductor startup that was acquired in 2001. After the acquisition, not much changed. We added new people and they seemed to seamlessly fit in. The founders were very clear on the culture they wanted to create and hired only people who fit their vision. I stayed for almost four years after the acquisition because of the corporate culture.

The culture was deeply ingrained in the organization. Everyone walked the talk.

In December of 2007, I went to work for an HD video startup that was later acquired in December 2009. Almost immediately after the acquisition, the culture changed. It was just like us bringing Rex into our household.

  • Bullying behavior started
  • Managers and their teams started to protect their turfs
  • Hiring practices became very political
  • Several of the executive staff would shift their positions to get others to shift theirs

Are you seeing the similarities?

The culture of the organization changed dramatically. Coworkers who used to be very cooperative and share information freely now would hoard information.

The organization became highly political. This happened very rapidly just like bringing Rex into our household.

The difference was I could not tolerate the dysfunctional behavior, the lying, and cheating that occurred. About 13 months after the acquisition, I resigned when my ethical boundaries were crossed.

The similarities between what happened after the acquisition and bringing a new cat into our household were striking!

What Was Different?

At the first tech startup, management clearly defined the culture and their hiring practices mirrored the culture they wanted to create. After the acquisition, that culture endured for a very long time, even in very tough economic times. I credit the two company founders for great vision and execution in the hiring process.

This did not happen in the second tech startup —the culture they created was only skin deep. The corporate culture was only a facade which they were able to maintain in good times but not bad. As long as the company grew, everyone behaved. However, as the great recession set in, people saw the possibilities of a big payoff diminish and the company was acquired for far less than management had expected, so behavior started to change. It was just like bringing in a new cat.

How to Protect Yourself

How companies handle a setback is a good indicator of the culture.

A good litmus test for a prospective employer asks what changed in the last recession? Did the corporate culture change? How did the corporate culture change when there was a change of leadership?

Ask former employees of your potential employers why they left. You can find former employees quite easily using LinkedIn advanced search and most will give you an accurate picture of the corporate culture.

Have you experienced a corporate culture that can endure change?

Note: Jack and Rex live in the same condo together and manage to avoid one another most of the time. However, there is the occasional 4 am dispute where we have to kick both of them out the front door.

Marc Miller  

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